Welcome to our world of insantity.

Here you can read about the trials and tribulations of being a full time stay at home mom, wife and caregiver to my best friend in the world, my Grandmother. Gran has alzheimers, dementia, and parkinsons. Be sure to stop by often..you never know what kind of stories you will read here! Also check out my Stitching blog to see how I keep my insanity!


Sunday, September 30, 2007

314 AM

314 am Sun Sept 30th.
We are still up.......It is all I can do to stay awake. I tried to stitch but I kept messing up so I put it up. I hate going back and trying to figure out what Ive done wrong the next day. I came over to the office in hopes that maybe Gran would think I went to bed and go on to sleep herself. I just unwadded her blanket for the 5th time tonight. She also was tugging on her cath tube. Mom unhooked it earlier today when we were changing Grans bed. We had to change it again. I hope Gran doesnt pull on it too much. Im afraid she will pull it out. I havent done much of anything today. Im having some female problems and can't get to the doctor right now. I would love to have a surgery to take care of these problems but can't right now. I am tired...very tired..

My daughter had a spat with an old friend this afternoon that is back into town. It really got me upset. It was over some skates that another friend had given my daughter awhile back..(several months) I located the skates and am taking them home to the original owner tomorrow. I told my daughter that from now on she is to politely say "no thank you" in regards to such gifts UNLESS she has permission from an ADULT on both ends. Wise decision I think. Once it was all straightened out..DD went skating and I was able to relax. ( well somewhat)

I am almost finished with my Santa ornament. It is sooooo cute. I lost it or I wouldve been done by now. I thought I had lost it at the Drs. office last week when I took DD in for a physical but they said no...I searched the car...searched my purse...and all I came up with was the floss and chart..SIGH...then Friday morning I was walking to the mail box and low and behold on the ground right next to the porch was my Santa piece! Not a speck of dirt on him anywhere. I was relieved. At that point, I had been working on it for a week! I still have maybe 30 stitches to put in and the backstitching but I can do that tomorrow. I am just tooooooo tired tonight. Maybe Gran is sleeping..I think I will go see..I am now seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye. LOL
I used to say they were Papaw watching over me but Ive convinced myself that the "white" floaters in the house are him ...I dont know about the shadows...Maybe they are just that..shadows..Gnight...I hope!

No Food

It has been over 24 hours since Gran last ate. Last night she ate about 2 bites of my burger from Hooters. We don't even buy her whole meals anymore..I just share mine. Tonight I asked her if I went to Chick Filet and got her a chicken sandwich and slaw if she would eat it? Her face lit up like a child's at Christmas and she was very enthusied with her "yes" answer. I gave her a dose of pain medicine for her head..she said it was hurting and I darted out the door to Chick Filet. I had to take the kids to the skating rink first of course. When I got home, Gran had dozed off so I woke her. I could NOT for the life of me convince her to eat just 1 bite. Her sandwich and slaw are both in the fridge. Maybe my uncle can talk her into it. Shawn (DH) even offered to get her a shake or apple pie from McDonalds on the way back from getting the kids at the rink. She told him no. She just doesn't want anything. My uncle did get her to drink about 3 sips of water and I just got her to drink 6 ounces myself. Other than that...nothing. She surely can not sustain life much longer like this. Her poor body is skin and bones and it breaks my heart. I feel all I can do is wait for her to make her transition to the other side.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Things are about the same lately. Gran isn't eating much at all as if she was eating a lot to begin with. She is even starting to "skip" days of eating. If I get 3 or 3 bites A DAY into her I am doing good. Some days she will drink a lot. At least 32 ounces..others I can't hardly get enough into her for her medicine. She just doesn't want it. I don't know what else to do. I feel like a failure. I just have to remind myself that I am doing the best I can and I can not make her eat. I offered her strawberry ice cream the other night. She ate 2 bites. Spit the real strawberry back out at me. SHRUG...I don't know..

Yesterday (9-26) Mom and I went to the funeral home to prearrange her funeral. We picked out the most beautiful casket I have ever seen. It's white with pink faded onto it. It's lined in pink ruffles and has pink roses embroidered on it. Of course I loved it seeing how I am a stitcher. Gran's favorite color is pink. I think I'll stitch a pink rose to put in there with her.
Ok...enough of this...*crying*..

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I really should be....

Cleaning! I am soooooooo tired. I have been up since 130 on Tuesday. I got no sleep last night..not even a wink. I do however have a ton of stuff for the yard sale. I hate having these sometimes. I have decided this time that whatever money I make off my name brand clothes, I will take with me to Pigeon Forge this weekend and spend it on stash! I already went to Dixie Darlins website and looked to see what I want to buy. Now I just need to email her and see if she has what I want. One thing for sure, if she doesn't, I can always get some hand dyed threads and fabrics! Gran asked for toast and jelly about 530 this morning. I made her some..she took 3 bites. Mom came down at 8 and we cleaned Gran up. She had an accident. The bath lady is supposed to be here at 3..but whats the point? Ive done bathed her. Sometimes I wonder. Why is it on bath day that I end up bathing her before the lady ever gets here? LOL..I think Gran is setting me up!
Off to clean...UGGGGGGGG Id rather stitch or sleep!

Laundry and Yard Sale

Mom and I have decided to have a yard sale on Thursday. I am disinhearted because I had to go thru all the clothes that were piled up in the bed room. I really haven't officially moved into Gran's room and Shawn and I have been sleeping in there for some time now. I have to take Gran's clothes out of the closet so Mom can go thru them and see if someone can use them. I hate doing that. I feel like I am moving Gran out of that room for good. I know she would rather someone use them then to just let them sit in there and gather dust and get moth eaten. I do have a few shirts that I am saving. A lady , Kathi, on the 123 message board (www.123stitch.com) suggested that I keep some and make a quilt. I have some shirts that belonged to others I have lost in the past and I think I will do just that with everyone's shirts. I also am going to stitch Lizzie Kate's "My Granma" and finish it either into a cube or a pillow. I will use the shirt fabric and buttons on which ever I decide to make.

Here is my update that I posted to the 123 message board.
Well..Im trying to talk myself into going and finishing the laundry but I thought Id take a break. Gran was so funny tonight..(sad also). I baked her some chicken nuggets. I told her she could have some strawberry ice cream if she would eat 4 nuggets. She took her paper towel and dipped it in the ketchup! She was licking like crazy. Reminded me of something my kids would do when they were younger. She did manage to eat 1 whole nugget and 1/2 another..Other than that..she licked the ketchup off them after I showed her how to dip them. She drank 1/2 her coke. ( she loves coke) I did get her to eat 2 bite size fig newtons and 1 chocolate chip cookie earlier. She fell asleep before ice cream. Ill give her some for lunch tomorrow. I did notice the other night when I was changing her at 3 am that she has lost sooooooo much weight. She used to weigh about 180. I bet she does good to weigh 120 now. She was 149 about a month or so ago. Her skin just hangs and her face is all sunk in. So sad. She was still in good spirits tonight. She argued with DD cause she did a hand stand in the house. LOL. The living room is huge and DD loves to tumble. Special memories..

Uncle Wayne came by earlier tonight and stayed a bit. Gran told him she would eat for him. She did eat the cookie and the fig newtons when he was here. I wish I could get her to eat more but she won't. She did tell me the other day that she wished she could eat like she used too as well. So sad.

Angie , the Hospice nurse, came on Monday. She is a sweet heart. She checked Gran over real well and she was gone. She did say her lungs were clear and that everything was looking good. Gran had some bouts with some bad bowel movements over the weekend. But she is clear of those now too. I couldnt beleive she was doing that since she hadn't taken anything much in. But I guess maybe she caught a bug off one of the kids from school or something. I was scared her body was preparing itself. I am soooo scared of her passing and me being here alone. Angie told me what another one of her cleints family memebers had told her. ....

Angie was having problems with letting her Mom go. The family member told her to look at it like this:
It would be the best thing she could do...holding her Mom's hand and walking her right up to the gates of Heaven. What more can I ask for?